You Are So Strong
After you suffer a great loss you often are told how “strong” you are.
For those of us in the midst of great pain and grief. This tends to shut down communication. We don’t feel strong and we don’t share how we really feel. When what we really need to say is “no I am not ok. I am drowning here. I am not sure how I can make it through the next 5 minutes.
We often hear “you are so strong.” This oftentimes leaves us feeling even more alone and more isolated. It is offered as a compliment or to offer encouragement, but to those of us hearing it, it does not come across as a compliment or encouragement. We tend to shut down and continue to feel isolated and alone.
I suggest we get rid of the “you are so strong” sentiment and replace it with “how are you really feeling today?” And then listening without judgment to the response. Let those that are struggling with grief and loss have a safe place and a listening ear to share what they are really going through. AND respect their honesty and their privacy by not sharing their struggles unless you feel that they are a danger to themselves or someone else.
Over the years I cringe whenever anyone wants to tell me how strong I am for all that I have been through. The truth is I don’t feel strong. I have survived because I have had to survive. I was not given an option. You either figure out how to live with the pain and the loss or you let it gnaw away at you leaving you bitter, angry and even more isolated than before.
I chose to figure out how to live with both grief and love. I chose to figure out how to go on living without my son. Growing up I watched my father mourn his beloved wife, my mother, for close to 50 years. I watched as he became angry, bitter, lonely and miserable. We often heard in the years after mom died that “The best years of my life were when you girls were little and your mother was healthy, or we thought she was healthy.” As he was nearing the end of his life he often told us he wanted to go be with our mother. He never figured out that living with grief and love was possible.
I spent years searching for something, anything that would take the hurt and the pain away. But nothing filled that spot until I was ready to figure out how to live without my son. I had no clue Life Coaches existed or what it even was, but I was willing to try ANYTHING. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was sick and tired of scrolling on facebook and watching other people live when I didn’t really have a life of my own. Somehow I was led to my life coach Angela Messenick and I knew I had to be a part of what she was offering. I wanted to learn her secret of how you manage to live and thrive without the use of alcohol. She was dynamic and captivating and I wanted whatever kool aid she was drinking. And I truly was hoping for a quick easy fix. It wasn’t quick or easy, but it was definitely worth whatever she was asking! Through her teaching and coaching I learned how to truly feel my emotions. I learned all emotions are ok and I learned that I can choose how I think and how I feel in any situation.
Through her coaching, support and mentorship over the course of 2 years I decided to become a life coach to help other women. I graduated from the Life Coach School. As I was looking through other coaches who help grieving women I found Julie Cluff and her Build a Life After Loss website. I listened to her podcast and heard her story and When she offered her training in the H.O.P.E. model of healing I knew I wanted to be a part of what she was doing. I want to share with women who have suffered great loss that life CAN be good again. I wanted to show them that hearts can heal from the pain and grief of loss. I wanted to help them learn how to live again after suffering great loss.
I would love for you to join me on this journey of healing from pain and loss. I would love to offer you hope that life can be enjoyable and fun again.
If you have suffered loss and are wondering if you will ever wake up and not be disappointed that you woke up yet again and are still here on this earth trying to deal with loss and pain. I can help you begin to heal. Please know you don’t have to feel isolated lonely and alone. There are people in this world like myself, Angela, and Julie who want to show you that it is possible to LIVE a full life even after you’ve been through painful, gut wrenching loss. There are people who can guide you, offer you hope and healing.
When you are ready sign up for a FREE no obligation discovery call. We will decide together if we are a good fit to work together.
XOXO,
Coach Laura