Bereaved Parents Month
It is July and it’s National Bereaved Parents Month. I had no idea there even was a Bereaved Parents Month until I became one. I have mixed feelings about Bereaved Parents Month. On one hand it is nice that we are remembered. On the other do I need a whole month that tells me I am different from all of my friends, family, and coworkers? I have learned to just pause, process my thoughts and emotions and remember my son and all of the happy times we shared.
National Bereaved Parents month was started to raise awareness of what bereaved parents go through after their child has died. So during this month if you know a parent who has lost a child please each out to them. Let them know you are thinking of them and that you remember their child or children.
Don’t be afraid to mention our children's names. We love to hear stories about our children and what they meant to you even if we have heard them a hundred times before. We love to know you remember them and miss them too. Don’t be afraid that you will remind us that our child is no longer on this earth. Trust me we have not forgotten it.
Share a memory or a photo, video or card. There is nothing more precious than seeing our children perhaps at an event we were not part of. Recently a young friend of mine shared a video of Mike with me. Hearing his voice was a wonderful comfort to a mother’s heart. Knowing that friend still had the video on his phone all these years later reminded me that Mike is not forgotten. He is loved. And he is missed.
Summer can be busy times with backyard BBQ’s, pool parties, celebrations and family gatherings. But take a few moments. Slow down. And share a memory or a story of a past gathering you were at with our children.
Many parents who have lost a child have a difficult time attending family gatherings and outings. Be gentle with us. If we say we will be there and at the last minute we change our mind. It is ok. Just send a text and accept that some things are just hard for us. If we show up but leave early when it becomes too much for us. Just give us a hug and thank us for coming for as long as we could. Don’t try to coax us or convince us in to Reent who has lost a child and you are invited to all of those gatherings, remember you don’t have to do it all. No is an acceptable answer AND a complete sentence. You don’t have to explain your thoughts your reasons for not attending. Never overcommit. If you agree to “stop by” don’t feel like you have to stay the entire time. Always give yourself an out. If you say “I will come by for a short while” When you decide to leave no one will think anything about it. But if you commit to the whole event and want to leave early you might be at risk of hearing “but you just got here. Stay awhile……..” Be prepared and do what is right for you. Taking care of yourself and your needs are your top priority, I always plan to drive by myself when I go anywhere with family, so when I am ready to leave ,my car is there and I can leave without having to wait for anyone else. And don’t feel obligated to do something you’ve always done before. If you try something this year and it doesn’t feel good to you, you don’t have to do it again.
Take some time this summer and practice some self care and self love. Do things to take care of yourself. Drink plenty of fluids, get some movement in every day. Little things can be big things when you are grieving. Take a few moments at the end of the day and look for 3 things that went well. It does not have to be big things. Look for the good in every day. It might be that you got up and showered today. It might be that you walked to the end of the driveway to get the mail.
My wish for you all this summer is that you will have moments of peace and happiness as you remember past summers, trips, vacations etc with your child.
Healing can occur after your child has died. You can heal from the pain of child loss. I never thought it was possible either. Healing and letting go of the pain of loss does not mean you let go of the person who has died. Instead it allows us to remember with joy and love the good times with that person.
When you are ready to learn how to live again schedule a FREE telephone consultation with me. Together we can decide if we are a good fit to work together.
Until you have hope of your own let me give you some of mine,
XOXO,
Coach Laura