Regret

Everyone who is alive has gone through  hard times.  Think about it even a newborn had to go through birth either naturally or pulled out of his nice comfy mother’s uterus by a surgeon. Either way is not easy for mom or baby.  There is a reason it is called Labor.  Hard times are as much a part of life as the good times we have.  There is no such thing as “and they lived happily ever after.”  But there is such a thing as “I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.”  

When I look back over my 57 years on this planet I have plenty of regrets. Things when I let myself dwell on them I say “I wish I would have…….” or “I woulda, shoulda, coulda”.  Maybe I should have done this differently 

After Mike died I came up with lots of things I wish I would have done differently.  I thought of the things I did wrong as a mother.  I thought of every single incident where I was less than understanding and loving.  I thought of every missed football game I didn’t go to because I was on call. I thought of every missed opportunity to spend time with him.  

I was very judgmental of myself. And I was very judgemental of other people.  The very thought that someone could tell me how much they hated that their daughter chose not to come home for the holiday and spend it with their new boyfriend’s family made me angry.  I would judge them for being insensitive to the fact that I would never have another holiday with my son again.  

I was very judgmental about a lot of things.  I was angry and I was in pain.  

The fact is I did the things I did with the knowledge and the understanding I had at the time.

The fact is I don’t get a do over on any of it.

The fact is life is too short to live with regret. 

As grieving parents we can either continue to live with pain, anger, and regret, or we can choose to learn how to heal from the pain of grief.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  Every journey is unique. There is no time line. There is definitely no “you should be over it by now” 

I have learned that looking back with regret and longing was not helping me to heal.  I was definitely buffering with lots of things.  I was trying to fill the emptiness and longing.  I was intentionally numbing out just to forget. 
Once I stumbled on this thing called Life Coaching and started to do the work I found that I could be in control of my thoughts and my feelings.  I could choose to allow myself to process and feel emotions.  I could choose how to respond and not react.  

Is it  easy to figure all of this out?  Absolutely NOT !  Is it worth it? Absolutely without a doubt YES!

During life coaching I learned how to process my feelings.  I learned that I had a choice in how I responded.  And I learned it is possible to change my thoughts to produce a different feeling and change my results. 

Now when I look back over my 57 years on this planet I look back with love and grace for the person I was. I can look back and remember the good times as well as the bad times. I can remember hearing “and number 45 was taken down by number 74 Mike Bohlen.” at his football games.  I can remember the trips to the beach and all the holidays we had together. 

If you have suffered a great loss.  I can help you learn how to heal.  I can support you as you learn that healing from grief and loss is possible.  I can work with you so that you can look back and not just see all the things you did wrong, but also the things you did RIGHT!  

I am a Life Coach and a Grief Coach. When you are ready to figure it out contact me for a free phone consultation and together we will figure out if we are a good fit to work together.